our love story, the prequel

summer 2009, a photo from our early days of courting  

It all started in September of 2007.  I was so tired of being single.  I got down on my knees and cried out to the Lord to do whatever it takes to prepare me for my husband and prepare him for me, so that when we came together, our lives, our marriage, and our family would be a place where He could shine.

be careful what you pray for

Well, my prayer was heard, and answered.  I'm writing in my journal.  It's spring 2008 and I'm going through my daily devotional Bible.  I'd read the Bible passage, the devotional and answer the reflection questions in my journal.  I come to the question,

"have you ever taken on the guilt of someone else's sin as your own?"

At this point, my pen takes over with a mind and will of its own.  And my pen seems to know things that I do not.  I begin writing about being sexually abused as a child.  I was writing more about my feelings about the situation that the memories themselves.  The memories arrived a bit later on the journey.  I fell into a pile of tears on my floor.

I called friends. I reached out.  Bawling.  Shaking.  I could barely feed myself three meals and walk my dog in those days.  The smallest task was just a little too much.  I knew now why I wasn't able to find work after I left my last teaching job.  God was carving out a space to answer my prayer.  I told Him, no I begged Him,  

do whatever it takes to prepare me for my husband

and He was.  

I found my way to an awesome therapist, who was a true warrior woman.  I needed someone who I felt was strong enough to fight this battle with me and help me get to the other side.  I was determined that it would not pull me down.  

At the same time, an awesome book found it's way into my lap and into my heart, Beauty for Ashes, by Joyce Meyer.  This book changed my life.  By this time I had finished my devotional Bible.  So every morning I would sit down with Joyce's book.  I'd read a page or two or ten, as I felt led.  I'd journal about what I was reading.  When I got to the scripture verses, I'd look them up in my own Bible instead of glossing over them in the book.  I'd write them down.  

Each morning on my couch, God began to do a work in my heart. Twice a week on my therapist's couch, I went through practical tools for healing.  Within six months, I went from going to therapy twice a week, to once a week, then to once a month.  I was healing.

I was also dating.  Not the best of 'relationships,' if you can call them that.  They were more like little trials. I had two 6 week attempts.  Both of them nice enough guys.  Just not nice enough for me.  

And it was the fallout of attempt number two that took me to crying out to God again.

to be continued...