I look down and see a hint of red. I feel the tears welling up inside of me. Why oh why? "It's not fair!" I want to scream. It's been forever. A year and a half. And every month I look down and see that little spot of red. But this month was supposed to be different. This month I was supposed to see two lines on a stick, not a spot of red.
What do you do when your dreams are dashed? What do you do when the one and only thing you feel you were made for isn't coming your way? I have to talk about it at dinner. I can't ignore it even though it's Valentine's day. I want to but I can't. I talk with my husband. We tear up together.
We eat our roasted beet salad, and I ponder the options. Medical intervention. Adoption. He doesn't want to talk about it all just yet. It keeps his faith up to hold out on those conversations. I tell him it gives me peace to know what the next step might be.
The smallest hint of dill flavors our salad. This is the restaurant where we went on our first date. It's where we celebrated our engagement. It's our special place. Conversation shifts to his day at the hospital. I remember realities that others face in this world. My thoughts drift to the family who was there for their infant son. He didn't make it.
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linking to just write and also linking here
Thank you so much for sharing your heart, Andee! Praying for you - for comfort and peace from the Lord and for His wonderful plans for growing your family…whatever way that may be.. to be revealed to you and your husband, sooner rather than later. all my love.
ReplyDeleteoh danielle! thank you so much for your sweet words. they mean so much! we trust in an awesome God and know He has a great plan for us.
Deleteblessings & love to you friend!
xo
andee
ps are you still dancing?
:)
Oh Andee. Praying for you and your family - and the little ones I know will be part of it someday soon. Our God is an awesome God!
ReplyDeletePraying too, for the family that lost their little one.
oh daphne! my sweet friend! thank you so much for your prayers and love. they mean so much! i love your heart, girl.
Deleteblessings to you
xoxo
andee
"What do you do when the one and only thing you feel you were made for isn't coming your way?" - i know exactly what that feels like. its hard, but you're right gratitude wins moment by moment.
ReplyDeleteps- i like your new blog design :]
oh thanks bekkah! one thing i know for sure, He's an awesome God with a plan way bigger and better than i can imagine.
Deletexo
andee
ps thanks for the props on the design its a work in progress. my social media buttons are giving me grief :)
I'm sorry the wait has been so long. I hope you have good news soon.
ReplyDeletethanks so much for your sweet words of encouragement!
Deletexo
andee
I will continue praying for you Andee. I heard Britt Nichole's song "All this time" the other day and it just reminded me of this simple truth: God is always near (close to the broken hearted) even when it doesn't feel like it.
ReplyDeleteLove.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNcx209-vrA
oh laura! thank you so much for your sweet prayers and love
Deleteblessings to you sweet friend!
xoxo
andee
Oh friend, I know how you feel. I was hopeful this month, but sure enough, Aunt Flow made her appearance instead. It is so hard to just trust and know that God has everything under control...but it's so worth it! I am praying for you and your hubby that God will fill you with so much peace as you continue on this journey. xoxo
ReplyDeletehi breeann
Deletethanks so much for your sweet words of encouragement as well. i'm praying for you too! He's got a plan-we trust in that! thank goodness. i don't know what i'd do without God right now!
blessings and love to you!
xoxo
I'm sorry Ander. Still praying for you! My husband and I are the same way - I like to know the next step, and he would rather not talk about it and just stay positive.
ReplyDeleteoh callie!
Deleteyou are so sweet! thank you so much for your prayers and support.
blessings to you sweet friend!
xoxo
andee
Sweet Andee.... I'm calling out the fertility angels for you. I don't know how long it will take for them to reach you, but they are on the way! A little birdie told me so... Don't you ever let go of hope. The right child is on its way, and I pray for you peace that passes understanding.
ReplyDeleteOh Sarah!
ReplyDeleteYour encouragement means the world to me! Thank you for your prayers and love. I absolutely will not give up hope. Promise.
xoxo
Andee
Andee, I know your pain. I've lived it. I've seen my friends live through it. My John and I were blessed with Drayson only after we sought the adoption route. We spent an entire year doing fertility treatments and and 2.5 years in prayer. My friends were blessed with their adopted 6 year old son after 8 years of prayer and 2 years of fertility treatments. If you ask my friend now about her son, she will tell you that God had a perfect My point is looking at the adoption option is not a sign of giving up. She will tell u that God had a perfect plan for her and her hubby and that she just needed to stop trying to be in control of where her baby came from. She can't imagine loving her adopted son any more than she already does. God has given you and John the capacity to love any child unconditionally. Not many people can do that. God always answers prayer but not always the way we expect him to. Ask John to search out adoption info as a sign of faith that he trusts Gods plan whatever that plan may be. I am sorry that you guys are going through this. I will continue to pray for you. God would not put your strong desire for children in your heart unless he meant to fulfill that need.
ReplyDeleteOops I forgot to sign my name on the last post. Not sure if it shows you who I am.
ReplyDeleteLove you guys,
Angeli