our love story, the prequel part 2

 on one of our early dates to the Huntington Library and Gardens

the prequel part one is here

So when we last left off with the prequel, I mentioned that I made two attempts with two different fellas before I met Mr. Handsome.  As I mentioned in some of the inner healing posts {you can read them here and here} I made some big mistakes in my life before I gave myself to the Lord.  Early on in my young adulthood I was promiscuous.  Looking for love.  In 2006 I got the conviction to honor the Lord with all of myself, including my body and I made a commitment to save sex for marriage.

Well that'll keep a lot of guys far away from you when you're dating. Evens some 'Christian' ones.  But I am not here to judge.  That's God's job.  I'm here to love.  And the way I love others is through the love I receive from Him.  In turn, I love Him back and in doing that I just can't help but honor Him in every way I can.  Including with my body.

Back to that saving sex for marriage thing.  So I'm dating guy number one, we'll call him Frank.  Frank says he's committed to this as well.  That in his past he had been less than respectful of women, but he's committed to a change.  He too wants to save sex for marriage.  Or does he?  Life is all about choices.  A few short weeks into seeing him, he makes a different choice.  {I'll spare you the details of how he made the choice, let's just say that his old flame entered in on the scene.  'nuff said.} So he chooses one path.  I choose another, and I walk away.

A few months go by, and I meet another guy.  I'll call him Robert.  Robert and I are seeing each other for a few weeks and I start to like him.  But as I mentioned in my inner healing posts, I came from quite a bit of a mess.  And as I started to like this guy, I noticed that I was looking for my value and worth in Robert's eyes rather than in my true Love's eyes.

One morning in the car, I just cried out to Him, 

"Lord, I want to see my self the way You see me!

Show me who I am to You!"

And this began another journey with the Lord.  After only a few weeks into seeing one another, Robert ended it.  And thank goodness I had been reaching out to learn who I was from my real Source.

He told me things like, 

I am fearfully and wonderfully made

{Psalm 139:14}

Really? Me?

I am wonderfully made?

I would wonder this.  I would ponder this.  But I know that His word is true.  The King of Kings said this about me.  And He ain't lyin', I just needed to get my thoughts together with His thoughts.

And that of course came from renewing my mind.

do not be conformed to this world

but be transformed

by the renewing of your mind

{Romans 12:2}

Little by little He renewed my mind.  And He'd tell me the most amazing things.  He told me

that he had awesome plans for me

to prosper me and not to harm me,

to give me a hope and a future

{Jeremiah 29:11}

This was some stuff I needed to know.  I mean really needed.  Because up until this point, I had given my life to Jesus.  But I didn't really know was I was because of Him.  I hadn't really truly taken it in.  Like really deeply in. Inside in the deepest of the deep places of my soul that He is my Daddy and He will create and do the very best  for me.  That He really, and I mean really-really loves me and wants me to prosper.  I had to absorb this all.  And He continued to renew my mind with what He thought of me.

The King is enthralled with my beauty

{Psalm 45:11}

Seriously?  The King of Kings is enthralled with me?  Little ole me?  My beauty?  But that's what He said.  I needed not only to hear this, bit I needed to know it in my knower.  Here I was, just getting over another silly relationship {if you can call it that.}  And desperately trying to get my self-worth from Him and not from some silly guy.  All my life before, I got my self worth from people, from stuff, from the stuff I had or the stuff I didn't have but thought if I had it then I'd really be somethin.'  But I knew there was more.  I came to Him. I cried out to Him to show me, and He told me such awesome things!  He wooed me with His love.

My value is worth far more than rubies or pearls

{Proverbs 31:10}

Such were His declarations of love: true, real, lasting love.  He would declare to me again and again how precious I am, just because I am.  

My beauty wasn't from outward things like hairstyles or clothes, but from inner beauty, from my gentle quiet spirit which was precious in the sight of God.

{1 Peter 3:4}

I started to believe Him.  I really am valuable.  Precious.  The apple of His eye.  His daily delight.  This little breakup with Robert was probably one of the best gifts ever.  It caused me to cry out to Him.  It brought me to know my real Love.

And it was right on time, because I was getting my prayers answered.  I was being prepared for my husband.  Robert and I stopped seeing each other in February.  In the coming months I had a lot to get ready for.  The Lord led.  I followed.  And He was leading me right to the moment when I would meet the man who one day would become my Mr. Handsome.

to be continued...